1990's Responses to:
Star Wars

This page contains reader responses to my anti-review web page for the movie Star Wars. These responses are dated 1997 and later

From: PTabbiner@aol.com
Date: Sat, 19 Apr 1997 11:26:26 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: Star Wars Review of yours

First of all, you'd better get yourself a freakin' life, there, bud. What are
you, some "Joy Luck Club", "Prince of Tides" pansy? Just because Luke
Skywalker doesn't cry like you do don't mean nothin'. Those three movies were
the the best three movies wriitten, unless you have a liking for "Lassie" or
something.

-Pierre Tabbiner

PS-Screw you

Date: Wed, 04 Jun 1997 04:26:49 -0500
From: James Penny <penny@ipa.net>
Organization: indutec.com
Subject: Your Star Wars review

Here is your review. I understand about free-speech and all, but I
will try to Politly point out some ( Ahem) errors in you review.

     Star Wars - By Kelvin Thompson

Star Wars, yet another entry in the recent spate of "Space Operas," is
a bad, morally empty
movie. Look, quick!! It has lights!! It has zooming spaceships!! It has
laser flashes!! It has
explosions!! Look closer, and it has nothing. 
( Nothing???!!! Those lights, zooming spaceships, and laserflashes you
talk about are called special effects. The Star Wars movies halped
revolutionize the special effects industry. Look at all the movies
BEFORE Star Wars came out. Pretty crappy. Then look at movies AFTER Star
Wars came out. The special effects are a lot better. Maybe You don't
remember, * Or are so busy picking away at this movie, that you have not
noticed) that this was made in the seventies, not the ninties. They did
not have the tachnology back then to do something mind-boggling. I think
what they did was pretty darn good for back then*

The plot of Star Wars is certainly nothing new: a group of good guys
tries to overthrow an evil
space empire.
* What other movies are about a group of Rebels fighting
for the freedom of the entire GALAXY! And against a Force-sensitive
self-proclaimed Emperor, who has the father of Two of the Rebel Heroes,
at his side. And for your information, Life is about Good vs. Evil. So
that concept is nothing new.*
Ruling the evil space empire are an evil count, James Earl Jones (a
Negro), * This makes you sound really racist ( Look, it's the Mark
Furman of movie reviews!) * and an
evil spaceship commander * He did not command and evil spaceship (
First of all, spaceships cannot be evil, they are just machinery. They
can be used for evil purposes, but only sentients can be evil) Grand
Moff Tarkin ( Not only commanded it, he was in charge or everthing,
even Vader) And the Death Star was not a spaceship, it was a battle
station. A battle station the likes of which the people of the galaxy
had never seen before. ( Designed by Bevel Lemelisk) * , Peter Cushing
(Dracula A.D. 1972, The Curse of Frankenstein).
Among the good guys are a princess, Carrie Fisher (The Blues Brothers,
Shampoo), an old
warrior, Alec Guiness (The Man in the White Suit, Murder by Death), a
young warrior,* He was not a warrior. He was an innocent Farmer until
the Imperials destroyed his life, and he was thrown into the heart of
things. Senseless killing and destruction. These were the things that
the Rebels were fighting to stop*  Mark
Hammil * Hamill, not Hammil* (Corvette Summer, Three Women), a
mercenary* Mercenary, HA! Han Solo was a smuggler who was down on his
luck and in debt to the Galaxy's biggest gangster and crimelord* ,
Harrison Ford (Witness, The
Conversation), and assorted robots * Androids ( droids, if you prefer)
But they were never called robots*  and aliens.

From its opening scene, where two spaceships chase each other around a
planet while trying to
blow one another to smithereens, the movie loses any semblance of
realism. * A) It's a fantasy movie. B) Two spaceships were not
chasing each other around. One Star destroyer, was trying to capture a
Corellian Corvette. Also, They never went around the planet. They
were not trying to blow each other to smithereens, rather, the Star
Destroyer was trying to merely disable the Corvette, so as to board
it* The spaceships make
swishing and humming noises as they maneuver about, and their lasers
make zapping noises as they
fire -- all despite the fact that it has been scientifically proven that
there are absolutely no sounds in
space.
* Maybe they could hear those sounds inside the spaceship. Besides, this
is in another Galaxy, at another time, where they probably were more
technologically advanced*
In another gaffe later in the movie, a robot supposedly manages to go up
and down a staircase,
even though it is quite obvious that it is structurally impossible for
the robot to do so. The camera
cuts away just as the robot gets to the staircase, but the viewer is
again jolted by the obvious
impossiblity.
( Artoo, the R2 model astromech droid you refer to, has a third 'leg'
that extends to help him menuver up and down stairs, and over rough
terrain*
More important than any scientific error, however, is the glaring lack
of any moral statement. * Lack of moral statement! Are the
statements, evil is bad, destruction is bad, helping those in need is
good,  that you are not the only thing in this universe, and there are
other out there besides yourself, bad? Is the stament that you must face
what you have done bad? Is the statement accept others and thier ways
bad? How about finishing your responsibilities? Is that bad? Those are
just some of the statements made in Star Wars. Now, if you think those
are bad, than you are rather immoral( The pot calling the kettle
black?) , and should NOT be telling others what is right, and what is
wrong. *   In a
time of mass starvation in central Africa, terrible human-wave battles
in the Middle East,
repression of civil rights in the USSR, legalized racism in South
Africa, and rampant terrorism
everywhere, this movie just hums merrily along with its rose- colored
glasses. * Well, maybe the fact that the Star Wars univers has none of
these problems is because of it's good morals? Or maybe the fact that it
takes place in a different time, and galaxy has anything to do with
it?*

For example, when Hammill, the supposed hero of the movie
 * The movie
has several heroes. Every sentient who put them selves at risk, and
fought for the freedom of the Galaxy and against the Oppression of
non-humans and other who were being treated like second-class citizens,
was a hero.* , sees the burned corpses of his
parents, * They were who he thought were his aunt and uncle, but in truth
they really were the brother and wife of the guy who had trained his
father to become a Jedi knight*  he responds by turning his head
sideways. No tears, no shouts of outrage, just a crick in
the neck and they are forgotten. * They are never forgotten. And he does
not just turn his head. Well, he does, but that is to show that he feels
so sickened by the kind of cruelty that the Empire is capable of, that
he cannot bare to look. Also, he later buries them*  Later, when an
android buddy of his is discriminated against in a
space-bar, he accepts the wrong without a blink. * He has never dealt
with this kind of behavior before, after all, he led a sheltered life on
a moisture farm. Also, droids A) Have no feelings, and B) are not
sentient. One can only discriminate against sentients. Also, Luke had no
experience dealing with this type of thing, and he did not want to cause
unessesary violende* Late in the film, when an entire planet full of
billions of sentient beings is annihilated, the good guys just sort of
go, "Gosh, that"s too bad." The
bad guys, of course, smile cruelly. These kinds of responses to murder,
discrimination, and
genocide certainly do not encourage the kind of consciousness needed to
overcome today"s
problems.
 *First of all, todays problems have nothing to do with
anything Star Wars related. If today, we were in the miccle of a  galaxy
wide civil war, in another time, when we are more advanced, and in
another galaxy, then I could understand. And second of all, the good
guys do not just go, oh well. The destruction of Alderaan was another
example of why the Empire had to be defeated. Alderaan was incentive to
fight for the good of all the galaxy, not just one race, or species,
therefore, it united a  lot of sentients. Also, not many people knew
about it, when it happened. And by the time everyone did, they were in
the middle of war. War causes casualties.*

Star Wars contains a lot of action sequences, so it will no doubt have a
strong draw on today"s
young people. Nonetheless, parents should make every effort to keep
their children away from this
morally bankrupt movie and direct them toward a film which takes a
useful stand on some of the
issues facing our world. And, naturally, all ethical adults should stay
well away from it themselves.

* All I can say. is that you are rather mistaken about a great many
things. Star Wars nto only helped movie making, it affected our culture
( What other movie could possibly have so many worshippers, aven after
twenty years?) I strongly suggest that you watch the movies again, for
the first time. Open up your eyes and see the good things about Star
Wars, don't squint your eyes looking for the non-existant bad stuff.
Good luck,and,
May the Force be with you. *

Radwa Penny
Feel free to e-mail me back, at kristinredman@hotmail.com

Date: Mon, 07 Jul 1997 00:36:51 +0300
From: Juhani Seppa <miskas@mail.dlc.fi>
Subject: S.W

--Hey Kelvin,you oughta buy yourself a new imagination,or do reviews
only about movies like piano or Schindler`s list.These three movies are
the only perfect movies evermade.You can't change it , though you try to
think otherwise from everybody else.It's so cool to be different,isn't
it?.

Date: Mon, 07 Jul 1997 00:50:10 +0300
From: Juhani Seppa <miskas@mail.dlc.fi>
Subject: star wars

Take a look at Kelvin.Look quick!! He`s got sunglasses.He's got a
pipe.He's got a nice shirt.Look closer!!.He's got no brain.
So what can you expect from him?.A rewiev like the one he did about star
wars maybe..........

From: "Jack Kahn" <ackkahn@vol.com>
Subject: you idiot
Date: Thu, 9 Apr 1998 21:01:01 -0500

Star Wars is widely considered one of the best movies ever made, not by me,
but it is a good one. First of all, you make a negative comment against the
movie by saying that James Earl Jones is black.  Secondly, you say there is
no sound in space.  That is true to a degree.  As long as there is MATTER
present (such as the x-wings, or the death star) then sound will be there,
because vibrations in matter is what produces sound.  Even so, this movie
isn't supposed to make a scientific proof, it is entertainment.  Thirdly,
if you'll notice, R2D2 can retract his wheels and bring out legs, allowing
him to waddle like a duck, allowing him to walk down stairs.  I don't know
what the hell you mean by war and terrorism in the USSR; that is totally
irrelevant.  Skywalker does respond to his parents death.  He blows up the
most destructive weapon in the galaxy, this is also how the rebels respond
to the destruction of that planet.

[Mr. Kahn responded to several anti-reviews at the same time. Click these links to see all his responses in order: 1 2 3 4 ]

Date: Sat, 01 Aug 1998 18:13:14 -0400
From: Roy Toms <rapto@worldy.com>
Subject: Star Wars Trilogy

I wrote earlier about your shit Back to the Future review, but you are
going to far saying that Star Wars and the return of the jedi is bad.  I
want you to stop writing reviews, you are the worst movie critic ever.
I want you to die or stop writing, you have absoloutly no taste in
movies at all. Screw you.

Date: Sun, 02 Aug 1998 14:16:49 -0400
From: Roy Toms <rapto@worldy.com>
Subject: Star Wars

It's me again.  I've really had it with your movie reviews. Stop writing
them. You are fucked.  You are a fucking bastard.  You write the worst
reviews that i have ever seen.  Star Wars came out in 1977, where the
fuck have you been.  You stop writing your twisted, sick, irrelevant,
shity reviews.  Do you understand.  After i read your back to the future
review, i thought you didn't understand time travel very well.  On
closer inspection of this review, i thought you were a fucking moron.
When I read you star wars and Return of the Jedi reviews, I started to
wonder if you even watch the movies you review.  You don't look for
answers to today's problems in a sci-fi movie.  Today sucks.  Humanity's
problems are stupid. racism is stupid, poverty is stupid.  these
problems should be solved, but since a lot of people are like you,
stupid morons, they won't get solved soon.  But you don't look for moral
value or any kind of meaning in a fucking sci-fi movie.  i bet you
couldn't make a better movie than all the ones you write anti reviews
for.  you have no taste in movies at all, you must have the attention
span of a 4 year old.  You also sound like you have the powers of
comprehension to match.  How can you miss so much in Back to the
Future.  Are you that STUPID.
I've only read 3 of your reviews, and I already hate them and you.  You
have to be the stupidest person i have ever had the misfortune of
hearing about

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(Updated September 20, 1998.)